Nothing to See / Hear

touch, smell or feel. Walk Away

3 notes

The Babysitting Chronicles.

Olga:
Why is this so hard!? I can't figure her out. Why did I think babies were a thing I'd be ready for?
Me:
Olga you come from a long line of stay-at-home moms and homemakers. GREAT moms and homemakers, might I ad. It was your mom that taught me how to make my famous Shepherd's Pie. You have this in the bag, trust me. Now take the baby, hold her head against your bosom, and focus. Think about your mom, and you grandma, and your great-grandma. They raised all those kids practically alone while the men in your family worked or went to war and they did a phenomenal job. You have it in you. Being a great mother is in your blood. Tap into that universal force of motherhood and let it flow between you and the baby. And then when you do, remember that- if you ever call me at 2am again about this bullshit- I WILL take that baby and raise it as my own somewhere in the French riviera. I'll tell her that you died at the hand of a crazy woman. Train her to seek revenge. Sic her on YOU!
Olga:
You are one sick motherfucker without your sleep, aren't you?